Sunday :)

Jamie Lidell on the stereo and about to do a 7 minute workout!  yeeeeehaw!

Feeling pretty good today as well since the kids (sort of) let me sleep in a bit.

I'm wondering what the week will hold for me.

Yesterday after selling our amazing hot sauce (40 Below Hot Sauce) at the Market, I met a woman who will hopefully become a new friend!  She just seems like she would fit with me so nicely!  Anyway, I met her through her offer of sharing her SCOBY and Kefir Grains with me.

We are going to be a family with an even better gut!

This post is a bit all over...but the littles around my feet are quite busy today.

Love and hugs and less belly jiggle rubs!  HA!

first post. the start of becoming myself again!

I'm feeling like I've walked over a cliff of heavy these days.  Gravity is pulling me down.  And it's not because I'm living closer to the centre of the earth, I believe this has to do with being the heaviest I've ever been in my life.

I'm heavier than I have ever been (while not pregnant) in my life and I show it in so many ways.  My attitude hasn't been the happiest (very, very unusual for me), my clothes don't fit (I'm down to one pair of jeans and various yoga pants), my sex life is minimal (because I just don't want to do it these days) and I just plain don't feel like myself.

It used to be that I never cared or was concerned about the number the scale said because really, it's just a number and how you look and feel is what truly matters.  So, I rarely stepped on.  Well, that changed one day when I stepped on out of curiosity and then was disappointed with what I saw.  154lbs at that point. What happened also on that day was that I realized that I hadn't been wearing some of my favourite pants and tops.  They just didn't seem to fit right anymore. 

Yesterday, I went to my doctor for one of those "amazing" PAP tests that all women know and love!  HA!  As if!  Anyway, before I saw the doctor, the nurse took my weight and height and waist size.  I've stepped on the scale at the doctor before but never have they taken my waist.  To be honest, I was a bit upset by that.  Do they do this for all women who are larger?  If they do, I DO NOT want to be having that done again and again.  I NEED TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!  By the way, the nurse said my weight was 168 pounds and my waist was 33.5 inches.  

Here's another thing that is concerning to me, the height she took was only 165.5cm which is 5'5.25"!  WHAT!?  I've shrunk too?  Could the extra weight really be holding me down?  Making me shorter and shorter?  YIKES!!  The last time a doctor's office took my height I was 167.5cm (5'6") and my first driver's license had me at 169cm (5'6.5").  Yes, I realize that it's been 20 years since I got my driver's license and it's probably been about 10 or 12 years since that last doctor's height measurement but still, could I actually have lost an inch and a quarter??  Apparently, it's true.  

I wonder if losing some weight will help me slow the inevitable height shrinking of older age?  

I realize that my current state doesn't seem like much to most people but to me, this is a LOT.  I can still remember the days when I was in the range of 134 and boy oh boy I had more energy, happiness and could fit all of the wicked clothes I love so much!  I did have style and character!  Really!  These yoga pants that I am wearing today are NOT stylish and have very little character and show little of my true being...well, maybe a bit since they have some great lines on them but really, they are YOGA pants!  Not day to day pants.  They go quite well with my stretchy shirt and make me feel comfortable.  Perhaps that is another problem?  Comfort.  Let's get those old clothes comfortable again!  I can do it!!

This is where I want to be again.  In my magic world, I will be 130 pounds again but I will be super happy with 140!

I am going to work on all of this.  Starting NOW!

One of the things I will do is try to post regularly documenting my challenges and hopes and feelings.

Today's post is now complete.  Wish me luck.